Soap on a Rope
by cgaussie01
Summary: Growing up in prison, anyone would have knowledge of how important it is to not drop your soap. But jus how strongly does Megamind feel about this?


Roxanne couldn't help but notice that the bathroom area of the not-so-secret-and-evil lair was slowly running out of hand wash. Being the responsible, and clean, young woman she was Roxanne decided on the spur of the moment to go and buy the blue alien in her life some new soap for the sink. Of course she had realized the soap on a rope hanging near the sink but that was so... out of place and just plain weird. Who used soap in a rope to wash their hands anyway?

Granted, she would understand it since it was Megamind and he did a lot of things normal people wouldn't do. Despite the weirdness of it all, it was one of the things she liked about him.

Arriving at the not-so-secret-and-evil lair she was greeted by a swarm of Brain Bots, who eagerly circled her, 'barking' in their mechanical way in greetings. "Okay, okay boys! Down, down! No, no biting this skirt is new, I mean it!" she attempted to shoo them away with her hand but that only made them more excited. New fingers to bite! Unfortunately their attempt at trying new fingers was interrupted, and foiled, by the arrival of Minion.

"Miss Ritchi! I didn't know you were coming around this evening!" the fish said, before helping the lady out of what could become a very painful situation. "Oh wait, let me show you. Here boys!" he grabbed an abandoned wrench and waved it in the air, capturing the Bots attentions automatically. "Who wants the wrench? You want the wrench? You do? Go get it! Go on, go get it!" he threw it and the swarm of barking mechanical pets went racing after it, promptly fighting on another over who would get the honor of carrying the wrench back.

"Oh... well. That makes sense?" Roxanne said uneasily. She forgot just how strange Megaminds pets were.

After an exchange of greetings and pleasantries about the weather, Roxanne found herself showed through to the upper part of the lair where Megamind was holed up. He was leaning over a large tilted table that was covered in a big blue print. Hanging from the ceiling were pieces of paper, suspended by pieces of string and yarn. The only light in the room illuminated the alien's large head, casting a huger shadow on the wall.

"So Megamind, what are we going to do tonight?" Roxanne asked, unable to hide a smirk as the alien spun around in surprise, having not heard her.

"Roxanne!" he greeted with a wide grin, before gesturing to the blue prints. "I am attempting to rewire the circuitry of the death ray in order to give everybody free cable! Not only is it good for the masses but incredibly evil at the same time! ...which... I am working on not being anymore." he added quickly after seeing the look on her face. He spotted the bag in her hands and his eyes lit up with excitement. "Did you get me something?" he asked out right, sounding like a little kid.

"I did indeed." She replied.

"Is it a puppy?" Megamind asked eagerly, eyes wide and full of hope.

"What? No." she set the bag on the table before opening it and took out a box and held it out to him. "I noticed you didn't really have any soap in the bathroom so I figured I might as well get you some. They're lavender scented, and I know you like that so-"

Whatever it was she was about to say didn't make its way out of her mouth. The look on Megamind's face had gone from calm content to wide-eyed horror in the span of a few seconds. He leapt out of his chair and backed away from her as if she were holding the world's deadliest weapon in her hands.

"_Get back_!" he shouted, swatting his hand at her as if she were a fly. "Don't come any closer!"

"Megamind?" Roxanne asked, a little freaked out but also worried that he would change so quickly. She walked towards him, the box of soap still in her hand. "What is it what-"

_"MINION! HELP ME!" _Megamind shrieked, arms flailing again as he kept backing away from the woman; eyes never leaving the box of soap.

Something Roxanne had never seen happen, suddenly happened. The ground shook with the heavy footfalls of a fish in a robot gorilla suit running up stairs. In the darkness the glow of his tank was almost ominous, but not so much as the look on his face. The alien fish, normally the most calm and collected person (fish?) Roxanne had ever met, looked absolutely livid. He continued to charge forward like a Rhino and once he was close enough he leapt between the two and for added dramatic effect imagine it being in super slow motion as he did.

Roxanne was just confused.

Hiding behind the bulk of Minion's body, Megamind cowered like a little girl in a horror movie, clinging to his back. "SHE HAS SOAP!" he screamed.

Minion blinked, and he finally looked at Roxanne's hands. The anger in his face vanished and his defensive, aggressive stance vanished. "Oh, is that all? Here I thought she was a spy dressed as Roxanne to get in here and do horrible things to you." he said in a throwaway kind of way.

"_SOAP_!" Megamind screamed again.

"What's going on here?" Roxanne finally asked, sick of being out of the loop. "Why is he freaking out like this, he's never seen soap before?" she asked.

"_**SOAP**_!"

"It's not that Ms. Ritchi," Minion explained calmly, as if the shrieking form of Megamind wasn't even there. "But could you put the soap away? You're upsetting the boss and if he's upset he'll go to bed tonight and have nightmares. Then guess who has to stay up with him and make sure the soap monster doesn't get him? Me."

Not really getting it, Roxanne backed away and put the soap away. By the time she turned back, Megamind had seemingly flown the coop entirely, leaving her and Minion alone. "Hey where'd he-"

"It's probably for the best, Ms. Ritchi." Minion explained as he walked to the bag, opening it with a finger and peered down into its contents. "Ms. Ritchi, you've done reports on the boss' life, right?" he asked.

"...well yes I mean. Being a news reporter and he being who he is.. what is this all about, Minion?" she asked, wanting to get to the bottom of this not just so she knew why he had flipped but also her curious nature.

"Well, we grew up in a prison." Minion explained, "Not the ideal place for anyone to grow up in my honest opinion but to us it was home. Anyway, who he called his uncles told him something super important when he was little."

"What was that?" Roxanne asked.

"Never to drop the soap."

You could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed that statement.

"What?" Roxanne's eyes were wide in shock, "They'd tell a little kid-"

"They told him that he should never, ever, EVER drop the soap or something worse then anything he could possibly imagine could happen to him. Now, if this thing scared even big crooks in the big house, what effect do you think it would have on a little kid? Boss only buys soap on a rope, because... well. You can't drop soap on a rope." he went on to explain. He picked up the bag. "I appreciate the offer Ms. Ritchi but don't buy regular soap anymore. For here, or you place cuz the Boss would freak out if he saw it over there." He sighed in an exasperated way, looking down at the bag. "Now the boss is gonna be on edge for the remainder of the night now."

"I didn't... uh. Know. Wow. That's just weird..." she said. Did Megamind even know what his 'uncles' were warning him against? Or was it just a fear in him hanging on since childhood, like how some kids (like herself) had once been scared of the Boogie Man? "Shouldn't you kind of explain to him that nothing bad will happen?" she asked.

"Don't you think I've already tried that?" Minion asked exasperatedly. "You can try all the logic you want but he always freaks out the second you mention soap without rope. Go ahead, try if you can!"

"No no no, I believe you. I believe you." Roxanne said, since really who if anybody knew Megamind more or better then Minion? This was just another one of those 'things' that came along with Megamind. Though this was quite possibly the weirdest 'thing' she would ever had imagined. Sure, she accepted he saved every goatee, eyebrow, and eyelash he plucked, but a fear of soap being not on a rope?

That was just weird.

Minion apologised and thanked her again, so after seeing her off he found Megamind hiding beneath his bed. The bed, naturally, was like one you would find in a prison. Stuck against the wall, supported by metal beams. It wasn't that Megamind thought he deserved a big fancy bed like those on the television or movies, it was just this was the kind of bed he was used to.

So after half an hour of coaxing his boss was finally in bed, but doing very little sleeping. Just as the fish had feared, he spent most of the night sitting up holding one of Megamind's many weapons just in case that 'most horrible thing you can ever imagine' happened.

It didn't.


End file.
